Category Archives: relationships

Give Harmony a Chance

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Does anyone else feel like they woke up one day not long ago and everyone in the USA seemed a bit tense? Maybe it’s because I’m retired and have more time on my hands to notice what’s going on around me.

My uniform for my previous day job of 40 plus hours per week included a set of blinders. It was almost impossible to catch the day-to-day drama of being a citizen.

Even my first year of retirement was focused on personal projects that had been ignored and postponed for years:  yard work beyond an occasional mow, house work beyond the occasional vacuum, sorting through stacks of items stowed in the garage or spare closet, writing the book I started years before.

And then it was 2015 and the Presidential election caught my attention. One of my first posts in May 2016 was about Trump running. Rereading that post recently I was amazed how both correct and wrong I was in my speculation. But that’s another issue.

I don’t believe the election or Donald J. Trump himself caused the tension in our citizenry. But it occurs to me they both exacerbated the soup of divisiveness that had been simmering for years. A soup, by the way, which is now a full-fledged and very large pot of Mulligan stew.

Although I dwell on this situation during my evenings digesting the day’s news, I don’t know precisely how we got here or what can be done to go back to “better times” or even if the “better times” are merely my personal fantasy.

I suspect that we need to listen to each other’s ideas without judging, perhaps by viewing the idea from the other person’s perspective. Okay, I know what you’re thinking: It’s impossible to truly walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. I agree, but the effort to do so would be a beginning.

Here are a few ideas:

  1. Before you lash out to criticize or rebut something really stupid said by someone who is clearly an idiot – Stop, take a breath, and ask the person politely, “Why do you say that?” or “What makes you think that?” Don’t be aggressive or accusatory or denigrating. Stay calm and ask.
  • Before you forward an email, text, Face Book post, or Tweet – Think about the consequences. Will this information do harm or good? Will receiving this information inflame or relieve the recipient? Do you want to be responsible for perpetuating hate or unease? Do you know things NEVER leave the internet?
  • Before you respond to a statement, question, or accusation – Slow down and consider what you are about to say. Did you understand the other person’s words? If not, ask the individual to repeat or explain. What can you say that would be positive?  What do you know about the subject? Should you do research or ask more questions? Above all, DO NOT try to FIX the person’s thinking.
  • Remember it’s not about YOU, so don’t take it personally. Even if it seems at first glance to be about you, it probably isn’t. Ask yourself why you’re angry or upset and make sure you approach the issue calmly.

Hey, it’s worth trying.

My Mother’s Hands

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When I was a child everyone said I looked like my daddy and I agreed. As I became an adult I thought I resembled my Aunt Olga, Daddy’s sister, and her older daughter. I’ve even been accused by elders in my father’s family of being someone from the “old country.”

Imagine my surprise when I began to notice Mother’s reflection in my mirror, or her smile in my photograph, or her opinions in my freely-given advice. But the most frequent reminder of my mother is my hands. They are her hands—the coloring, the way the veins are more visible when I’m stressed, the curve of the fingers, even my fingernails (if only on one hand).

Mother’s hands were her creative tools. She embroidered. She painted, both canvas and ceramics. She sewed clothes for me until I was a young adult. She crocheted.

When I was a young girl she created my clothes, my dancing costumes, and doll clothes with her Brother Sewing Machine. For at least thirty years, she oiled and cleaned that machine before and after each use.

As I moved into my teens and later when she retired, she turned to all types of craft projects: ceramics, embroidery, needle point, crocheting, and ceramic dolls. I have boxes full of unfinished kits in my garage. Maybe someday maybe I’ll finish them.

The bookshelves and walls of my home are full of her work, all completed with precision, artistry, and unconditional love. So when I glance at my hands and see my mother’s, I take a tour through her museum.

That’s when I realize how special she was and how grateful I am for my time with her and for all the items she left behind, including that unconditional love I mentioned.

Grand Canyon Adventure – End of the Journey

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Since December 19, 2016, when Anne brought up the idea of hiking at the Grand Canyon, there was a month or two of research, three monthly attempts to make a reservation at Phantom Ranch, and over 60 training hikes of various lengths and durations culminating in the final (and I must say awesome) success of the Grand Canyon hike itself.

IMG_0445The importance of training for this type of hike cannot be overstated. If one wants to hike the South Kaibab (7.5 miles) or Bright Angel (10 miles) trails, one must understand the seriousness and brutality of the “up-ness” and “down-ness” of this hike. If you plan to stay at Phantom Ranch your load will be lighter than if you plan to camp out. In either case practicing with your full load is important.

I suppose the amount of training is relative to age (i.e., the younger you are the less training you need). Okay, I’m sure that’s true, but one should nevertheless take my advice into consideration.

We drove the 2600-mile round trip between Missouri and the South Rim, taking three days going and two days to come home. Driving through Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona is worth the time if you have it. The wind turbine and solar panel farms are incredible.

20180429_173240_resizedThe volcanic lava fields seemingly springing forth from a desert mesa in New Mexico are mind-blowing. The rock formations across the Southwest United States are not only beautiful but humbling.

20180501_115025But there are cities, small and large, that are interesting too. We stopped for the night in both Amarillo, TX, and Albuquerque, NM. And it didn’t hurt that we had great weather. But oh that wind!!!

IMG_2281IMG_2250On our way to the canyon, we spent an afternoon in Old Town Albuquerque (established in 1706). The area is charming and the shopping opportunities abound. Each locally-owned store has its own story and character. Here’s a link to a bit of history: http://albuquerqueoldtown.com/index.php?page=history .

Our return trip started early the day after our hike out. We grabbed a quick breakfast along the interstate and headed to Amarillo—about half-way home. Anne and Shayna had the perfect place in mind for our celebration dinner. We’d driven past the “no-way-you-can-miss-seeing-this-place” location on our way to the canyon. Perhaps a little over-the-top, but it held a special place in their family history.IMG_0434

IMG_0438We drove from our hotel on the east side of Amarillo a little farther east to The Big Texan Steak Ranch. Nothing about this establishment is small—not the sign outside, the huge dining room, the desserts, nor the 72-ounce steak which is free if you can eat it ALL (including baked potato and salad). (Check it out: https://www.bigtexan.com/72oz-hall-fame )

IMG_2395Certainly one cannot overlook the charm of the roving singers, two men who can perform, without hesitation and in harmony, ANY song that is requested.IMG_0441

Our steaks and baked potatoes were cooked to perfection and delicious. By the way the young man did not meet the 72-ounce steak challenge that night.

IMG_0452Having started our adventure with Margaritas, we toasted our successful trip with the Big Texan’s super-large Margaritas with super-large jalapeño garnish.

And on to the next challenge.

Grand Canyon Adventure – Back to the Top

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20180504_054922_resized_1The full moon-glow competed with the rising sun above the canyon wall as we readied to depart Phantom Ranch.

We had enjoyed our stay but were eager to accomplish the rest of our challenge. As promised the weather was great, starting off a little cool, but we’d be shedding our outerwear soon enough.IMG_0354

The walk to the bridge across the Colorado River and the Bright Angel Trailhead was less than a mile from our cabin. Our muscles were covered in Anica salve and we were ready to meet the challenging 10-mile hike UP-UP-UP to the South Rim. IMG_0361Oh, by the way, we had no choice. The only other (feasible) ways out were by mule or helicopter—neither of which were acceptable.

20180504_060900_resizedThe three of us hiked together—at the same pace—until we made it to River Rest House, about 2 miles from the trailhead. Of course, you may remember it was all uphill paralleling the river on our way to Phantom Ranch. Therefore, this trek was all downhill with a gradual slope and less rocky path.

Once we passed the rest house we started up the familiar step-like, rocky, switch-back trail. In short order we hit a rather steep log and rock formation. It was at this point that Shayna darted by me and said something like, “See you at the top.” I thought she meant the top of the particular structure we were climbing. Following suit, Anne apologized for passing me so she could move at her faster rate. It was then I recalled the “everyone at their own pace” rule and I realized “the top” meant the South Rim.

But what the heck, I felt great, in little if any pain, and the day was beautiful. Oh, and we were hiking in the Grand Canyon.

Remarkably, I made it to the half-way mark at Indian Garden by 9:45, four hours from our Phantom Ranch departure time. There were a couple exciting moments getting there but I was pacing myself well, drinking water, and snacking as directed. I was actually on track to meet the 6-9 hour window for completion. (SPOILER ALERT: It didn’t happen.)

One of my exciting moments came when I fell off a rather large rock while reaching my foot to a smaller rock to step down. Apparently uninjured, I was in the process of getting to my feet when a group of young men came up the trail. They offered me help and easily hoisted me to up and guided me to a chair-high rock. I confirmed my lack of serious, if any, damage. We chatted for a bit before resuming the hike. They stayed with me as we crossed several creek-like streams of water crossing the trail. At some point I told them I was okay and they resumed their normal pace and were out of sight quickly.

These young men were the first of many “trail angels” who I met that day. There were also several individuals who were coming down from the top who brought messages from Anne and Shayna to the “lady in the red hat.” Strangely enough, these messages were rather comforting.

Anne and Shayna waited for me at Indian Garden. The young men were there too. Everyone seemed glad to see me. I didn’t realize I deserved so much concern. Of course, in retrospect, I get their point.

Anyway, we left Indian Garden around 10 am and I was quickly alone at my slower speed. 20180504_082046_resizedEven coming upon the 3 mile (from the top) rest house I felt great. My legs and hip were okay. I was okay. There was just enough shade along the way to rest occasionally. Each time I stopped I took a picture.20180504_110225_resized

The last picture shows Indian Garden toward the middle of the photo. I’d come a long way. But I was approaching the 1.5 mile (from the top) rest house and I was running out of juice. My resting periods were getting longer than my hiking periods.20180504_125457_resized

I asked a young couple who were heading down how far it was to the 1.5 mile rest house where I planned to refill my water container. As with most hikers, the woman said, “About 10 or 15 minutes.” No one ever knows the distance in feet/miles. During our chat I mentioned I was low on water but planned on filling up at the rest house. She earned her trail angel status by insisting, without hesitation, that I take a bottle from her supply.

Ironically one of the men who carried a message to me earlier in the day on his way down was returning to the South Rim. He helped me fill my newly acquired water bottle—twice—at the 1.5 mile rest house and walked with me for a brief period, definitely qualifying as a trail angel.

It was about 2:30 pm and I was sitting on another shaded rock contemplating my boots when I noticed someone stopped close to me. I looked up and the nice man said, “How are you doing?” or something like that. I was feeling sort of woozy so conversation wasn’t my priority. I don’t think it took him long to realize I needed some assistance. I had not come to that conclusion yet, but I was not looking at me sitting on the rock.

It was then that Anne called. She and Shayna had made it to the top and wondered where I was on the trail. Before my cell phone went stone cold dead (remember all the pictures I was taking?), I was able to communicate where I was and that a nice man had just offered to help me finish the hike.

Turns out Tim, my new hiking friend, was an experienced hiker who had done the North Rim trails and South Rim trails numerous times. He understood what was happening to my body. I really didn’t want to eat or drink anything more. I felt like I would explode. He made me eat some gummy bear-like snacks and drink more water.

As we walked and rested, he explained why I needed to do that. He told me about a time he had fainted during a hike in the Grand Canyon and a Park Ranger had stayed with him and walked him out. I told him he had officially paid-it-forward by helping me. Did I mention he was carrying my pack as well as his own? Yes, another full-fledge serious-class trail angel.

So we were once again resting and I was actually feeling better—drinking water and eating gummy bears. I knew Tim had exchanged texts with and subsequently talked to his wife, but I did not realize she sent her brother, Bill, and brother’s wife, Gina, down the trail to help. Also an experienced hiker, Gina took my pack from Tim, and soon suggested that he go ahead to the lodge. She and Bill promised to escort me the remaining mile-or-so to the top.

As my new coaches helped me ration the water and snacks and maneuver safely up the trail, I began to feel better and hike faster. I’m sure it was the euphoria of believing I was going to complete my adventure on my own feet, albeit with a great deal of encouragement from Gina and Bill. These two friendly souls are hereby dubbed my most supporting trail angels.

We made it to the top around 4:30 and Gina offered to accompany me to my lodge. She graciously hung around for several minutes then helped me get to my room. We said our goodbyes with my expressions of eternal gratitude for their help.

As I stood alone in my room around 5 pm—about 11 hours from Phantom Ranch—I surveyed with gratitude my luggage, slogged graciously by Anne and Shayna from the car to in my room.

I took a shower and located Anne and Shayna for dinner. We enjoyed a congratulatory toast, but decided we would properly celebrate this fantastic achievement with a final toast on our road trip home.

The final chapter soon.

Grand Canyon Adventure – Phantom Ranch

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You may remember I was sitting on a large rock at the end of my last installment (All Downhill, June 2nd).  As I made notes on my cell phone about the day’s “activities” a nice lady named Maryann introduced herself and announced she had come to take me to my friends. She insisted on carrying my pack and told me our destination was just around “that building over there.” It turned out to be a bit farther than I imagined, but I enjoyed the delusion.

Shayna not only arrived in time for dinner but also was able to check into our cabin and secure meals for Anne and me as well. As tired as we were, the still-warm steak dinner was delicious.

IMG_2333The three of us had a cozy cabin to ourselves. Bunk beds, a toilet, and a cold-water sink filled the compact area. Although the bed was tempting, I opted first for a super-hot shower in the building across the main path. I forgot my phone or trail light and stumbled a bit heading back to the cabin until another resident-hiker lighted my way. It’s amazing how dark the canyon bottom gets when that ol’ sun sets.

20180503_102339_resizedOn Thursday—our rest day—we had breakfast at 6:30 followed by a self-directed tour of the ranch.

Behind the canteen and the outbound duffel area is a make-shift open-door closet for miscellaneous items that previous hikers have left behind. The shelves are full of shoes and boots (not all paired) but there were other supplies too. I donated my ice/snow crampons to the collection since I never intend to use them again. But the most important find was a pair of “new” boots for Shayna. 20180503_102354_resized

IMG_2353When the canteen switched from meal room to convenience store (at 10 am), we returned to purchase picture postcards to send to our friends and families. The “mule-train” which brings the supplies down each day returns with hikers’ duffels, trash, and the postcards.

IMG_2350We also bought tee-shirts, available only at Phantom Ranch (of course) and stocked up on healthy snacks and electrolyte powders.

In addition, the staff member recommended Arnica Muscle Easing Salve™ to sooth our aching muscles. This little 1.75-ounce container holds a magic elixir. The three of us used it generously and thoroughly several times on our off-day and immediately before the next day’s hike.

20180503_120954_resizedWe ate our sack lunch by Bright Angel Creek with a furry friend who enjoyed our company less than the cranberries I spilled when I opened the bag.20180503_122658_resized

The staff member also suggested that sitting IN Bright Angel Creek might be helpful—think tub of ice.

20180503_122541_resizedDue to my hip issue and fear of not being able to return to a standing position, I did not sit in the creek. Anne ventured in first and Shayna moved from feet-dunk to full-sitting before long.

During late supper (6:30 pm) we enjoyed speaking to the other guests some of whom have made the journey multiple times, others were newbies like us. We retired early in preparation for our 5 am breakfast before saying goodbye to Phantom Ranch. Rain was predicted for overnight but sunny and warmer weather was forecast for our hike back to the South Rim in the morning.

More of our adventure soon.

Grand Canyon Adventure – Idea & Prep

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I’m sure you’ll agree that many great ideas arise between friends while sharing Margaritas and a Combo Platter in a Mexican Restaurant. This is certainly true of the idea for our Grand Canyon Adventure. I’d like to say it was my idea, but it would never have occurred to me to suggest it. Fortunately, my friend Anne is very adventurous and sees no reason why the rest of the world can’t be that way too.

The idea wasn’t too far-fetched. Anne is an experienced hiker and even I have accomplished more than one long hike. My first thought was going to the South Rim, do a day hike, go back to the lodge and have dinner with a bottle of wine to celebrate.

Anne, had a better idea—hike to the bottom, stay at Phantom Ranch for 2 nights, and hike back to the top. Phantom Ranch?

Agreeing to do some research, I took some notes on a cocktail napkin—determine the best time of the year to go, best accommodations on the rim and at Phantom Ranch, and the best way to travel to the location.

What did we do before the internet? NPS.gov, the National Park Service website, led me to the specific pages for the Grand Canyon and Phantom Ranch. There are only a few ideal months for hiking at the Grand Canyon. It’s open year-round with some restrictions, but if you don’t want to be too cold or too hot, your just right time is April, May, September, or October.

Phantom Ranch offers cabins for four or dorms for 10 by gender. A cabin would be preferable for our small group of 3-4 ladies. Two nights (maximum allowed) would be preferable so we could rest and see some of the sites from the “bottom-up” perspective.

Given the state of air travel and our lack of a private jet, we decided that driving the 1300 miles from our state to the South Rim seemed easier, cheaper, and more fun.

The most difficult task, other than training for the hike itself, was making the reservations for Phantom Ranch—one of the most popular places in the USA. Although the system has since been replaced with a lottery, our reservations had to be made on the first day of a month for that month in the following year. That amounts to 13 months in advance. And the best shot was the first 90 minutes of that first day.

There are 75 phone lines (opening at 8 a.m. Central), 2 cabins each for males & females (16 beds total), plus 2 dorms each for males & females (40 beds total), and thousands of hopeful hikers trying for a month’s-worth of nights all calling on that first day of the month.

I called the reservations line to get some general information and recommendations but I also wanted to check out the call-cueing system. I thought I had done my homework when I made my first try in April 2017 for a reservation in late April 2018. I was disappointed by a busy signal or recording for 1 hour 40 min. By the time I got through everything for April 2018 was booked. The cabins for the entire month went in 15 minutes, dorms within 90 minutes.

I looked into other options—stay in area, do day-hikes, enjoy the scenery—in case Phantom Ranch did not work out. But we were determined to try for May, early June, then September and October.

Sometime before the May 1st attempt, I did more experimentation with phone lines & hold messages. There would be no way to rehearse the onslaught of first-day calls, but I needed an edge.

Then, on May 1, 2017, I called the number about 6:15 a.m., and was thrilled to hear the ring, followed by the hold message. Seemingly hours later—after listening to the message for at least a gazillion times and trying very hard not to cut myself off—I counted down to 8 a.m. and selected Phantom Ranch (option 1).

Within 5 minutes I was connected to an agent. I was able to book a cabin for two nights for 4 women, order all our meals, and pay for everything in advance. We also booked rooms in the Bright Angel Lodge (on South Rim) for the nights before and after our hike, paying for those in advance as well.

More on getting there, getting to the bottom, and getting back to the top when the Grand Canyon Adventure is completed.

Drive versus No-Drive?

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Have you ever wondered why one person is more “driven” than the next? Why do some people have specific goals in life, figure out how to achieve them, and establish a plan/path to get there? What’s more, that individual will roll with the punches, take an alternate route as needed, and revise their target to skirt any obstruction or switch to a more attractive opportunity.

Others are guided by circumstances or events in an ad hoc fashion. A friend may mention she wants to go into the Navy, describing the benefits of military service. Our subject rolls her eyes and smiles, but her brain is secretly digesting and analyzing the information. Before you know it our gal is in the Air Force and her friend has moved on to another idea.

I relate to the above serendipitous scenario. In fact, my life-path has been directed by a sequence of unforeseen events or circumstances. These nudges were provided by friends, family, and complete strangers, usually at moments when I was wondering what to do next.

Both approaches are okay. And I don’t think a person necessarily makes a conscious decision to go one way or the other. It’s just what happens.

So here’s my theory: Young Soul as opposed to Old Soul.

Young Soul might be eager to experience a particular challenge not faced in a previous lifecycle. Old Soul, on the other hand, may have been more structured in previous lives and wants to “go with the flow” this time around.

Of course, it may be the exact opposite. Old Soul has things left to do and sets out to accomplish a particular goal in this time. Young Soul doesn’t know what’s available, so-to-speak, so just lets circumstances guide their life activities.

Anyway, that’s my current speculation.

News-Junkie Blues

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Yes, I will admit I’m a news junkie – local, state, and national. I’ve always watched the evening news and read the daily newspaper. Before I retired, I often recorded morning news programs and special news events to watch after work. You might say I’m interested in what’s happening in my community and in my country, or you might say I have a problem. Either way, I’m probably not going to change.

Why am I sharing this character trait? The truth is the news I’m watching these days can be a real downer. There are people murdering strangers. There are revelations about people I have admired and respected doing really inappropriate things to other people. There are wars in several areas of the world in which our country participates one way or another. There is dysfunction and chaos in Washington, D.C., the heart of our democracy. The list goes on.

Should I give up watching all those reports? That’s not a realistic solution.

Sometimes I miss the “good old days” until I realize that’s not when we live. We live now. There’s no way to return to a better time (at least not yet). And the reality is—the past was not better it was simply different.

I can hear you say, “Please don’t tell me ‘life is what you make it.’” Sorry, but life is exactly that. Our experiences—disappointments and successes, challenges and pleasures—are flavored by our choices, our decisions, and—more importantly—our reactions to whatever comes our way.

All of what happens in our world affects us and much of what happens cannot be changed or fixed by us, but we can control how we respond to what happens, regardless of one’s situation or station in life.

I try to lean to the positive side, not right or left. I even share a big grin with that jerk who just cut in front of me in traffic. A couple days ago I actually helped a lady deal with her debit card in the grocery line (another story). Basically, I think about the other guy’s point-of-view or situation before reacting.

Do I always agree with the other person? Of course not. But if I try to understand his position, I might find a way to lend a helping hand or have a constructive conversation.

If neither is feasible, I just walk away or turn off the television before I add to the problem or allow myself to become upset.

Does this policy always work? Well, “always” is a stretch, but more often than not I feel better.

If I could just learn to live without the evening news.

Fulfilling a Dream

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In 1989 I took a major step toward fulfilling a life-long dream. I sold my home, bought an RV, and quit a very good job in order to begin a career as a writer. I’ll admit at that time my motivation was not strictly about writing, although I did enjoy it and wanted to provide that joy to other readers.

In retrospect I realize I was really tired of the crazy bureaucracy of the Washington, D.C., area where I worked and lived. In other words, I experienced a “burnout.” And so, when my mother—and biggest fan—suggested we sell everything and go on the road so I could write, I scoffed, but soon began wondering, “Why not?” It took a year to accomplish the deed.

We traveled for about a year, during which I completed a book about the evils of working for a federal contractor. I call it my first cathartic novel. It lived in a big box on a garage shelf for a while, but it’s in my office closet now with other first attempts at becoming a published author.

Through some miracle, call it Divine Order, my mother and I took root in Branson, Missouri. The city was still small and sweet and unassuming. It wouldn’t become That Branson for a few more years.

I joined the Ozarks Writers League (OWL), a group of one hundred or so regional writers and writer-hopefuls. I was also lucky to find a small feedback group. The OWL quarterly meetings provided much information about the writing craft and business. But the five other people in my feedback group provided me incredible personal support and guidance regarding my work.

I wrote my next novel, taking a chapter a month to the feedback group. Some chapters returned for additional scrutiny. I didn’t keep a writing log between 1990 and 1994, but during that period I finished the second novel and sent the manuscript (paper copies!!!) to various agents and publishers.

I struggled through a nameless novel and a couple more false starts before beginning  “Byline” in June 1995. Because of a full-time job and other responsibilities, it took me—still with the feedback group—over two years to finish and polish Byline, which was renamed “Mistaken Identity” along the way.

The queries and submissions for Mistaken Identity proceeded slowly. Keep in mind, the internet as we know it now did not exist. Submissions were sent by the good old US mail in brown envelopes, first sample chapters then—if you were lucky—the entire manuscript. Agents took months to respond and most responses were form letters of rejection. Occasionally one would throw you a crumb—I love your characters, but . . .

I worked on other books with the feedback group through June 1998, when I became discouraged and quit the group. I spent some time revising Mistaken Identity for additional submissions and started sending it out again. A sequel—after several tries—did not progress beyond a thirteenth chapter.

In March of 1999, an agent called me at my day job requesting the entire manuscript. I sent it. He called again and wanted to represent me. After almost two years of trying queries by mail and personal pitches at writers’ conferences, I was elated. His explanation that a small “copy fee” would be required sounded reasonable to my desperate and naïve ears. Each month he sent a report about submissions and rejections and each month I sent the “copy fee.” In January 2002, I severed the relationship.

By then, I had given up on Mistaken Identity, the sequel, and writing itself. My mother passed away in 2000, so I lost my most ardent encourager. In 2001 and again in 2003 I was promoted at work and I rationalized that I didn’t have the time to write. My writing career would have to wait.

Relationships

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Have you ever wondered what attracted you to your best friend or spouse? Do you try to analyze why you just can’t stand being in the same room with a particular co-worker? Isn’t it strange how you would do anything for one of your supervisors, but go out of your way to avoid doing something for another?

I’ll admit I have a degree in psychology so I’m probably overthinking this, but you have to admit relationships are quite mysterious. Experts claim hormones and pheromones are the culprits. They say humans communicate through odors. Certainly odors are important to my dog—she sniffs everything.

According to Wikipedia—the internet’s Encyclopedia Britannica—this pheromone thing works for many species (humans, bees, plants, etc.). In addition, there are actually different pheromones affecting behavior or physiology. Check it out at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pheromone or https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hormone.

But, even so, what explains the degree of attraction or repulsion we experience for some individuals? And why are those attractions and repulsions often mutual? Can it be as simple as the scientific explanation of pheromones and hormones?

What about Kismet, fate, karma? And let’s not forget those really deep blue eyes. Somehow a scientific explanation makes life seem more like a lab experiment. In my opinion there’s more happening. Our relationships are too complex and varied to be reduced to chemical reactions.

Relationships change over time but can also remain the same “forever” even across many miles—beyond the “smell factor.” We have many both special and horrifying relationships throughout our lives—some we remember gladly, some we’d rather forget.

Age and social status does not necessarily matter. Take the two friends drawn to each other at random–89 year old Erling Kindem & 3 year old neighbor Emmet Rychner who have been in the news for a couple of years. Check it out at http://www.today.com/video/life-well-lived-erling-kindem-wwii-veteran-with-unlikely-friendship-dies-at-91-802157635785.

Consider the unlimited variables and sequences of events that connect us to others. The intensity of a relationship can vary with age; a best friend in the first grade is as serious, but not necessarily as long-lasting as a best friend later in life. In addition, an individual can bounce between and span categories. And don’t forget relatives. Cousins, siblings, even in-laws can play in the mix as well.

Think about how convoluted it all is as you peruse this sample along the relationship continuum:

  1. Social acquaintance: casual, friendly, or familiar sharing only part of ourselves with each other—maybe a smile or a nod in the hallway or at the mall
  2. Co-workers: peers, superiors, inferiors, bosses, or employees working as competitors or teammates or a combination, perhaps sharing some personal information with a chosen few
  3. Friend: individual with whom you are comfortable, share respect and similar values, but with limited social interaction beyond what draws you together—job, club, activity, hobby
  4. Good friend: individual with whom you have a mutual like, trust, respect, and similar values and with whom you socialize often and participate in one or more activities of a common interest, perhaps sharing a great deal of personal information
  5. Best friend: limited to one or—if you’re lucky—a few individuals with whom you are mutually supportive and share your more-personal information, even secrets; you have each other’s backs
  6. Romantic partner: individual with whom you share a dating or spousal relationship who probably—but not necessarily—fits into the “best friend” category as well.